Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Calm my Imagination
I get scared
when there is nothing to be heard
I create the thoughts that move the story around
Living alone
no armor
a lot of valuables
mad confusion
sharp noises
I close my windows
close my eyes
say a prayer
and say goodnight
-B
Alone on Colgate Ave.
I am a professional amateur. I can't make up my mind. I like this growing up stuff. I am dealing. This came on like a hurricane. I am thinking of moving to a city big enough for dinosaurs. To just live and exist.I am waiting for something to change my mind.Wish I had someone to think of. I need to wake up earlier. I need to stop going to bed later. Set my ideas into motion. I look insane. I laugh when it's inappropriate. My cat is a dog. I am functional like my wardrobe. It feels colder and it melts my heart.Reminds me of home. Tea all of the time.Sometimes, we lose things we don't want to look for.I look up with my mouth closed. I wrote a new song today. I love my guitar. It's so good it hurts my feelings. Looking for inspiration.Time is all that I've got around here. Welcome to my world of ideas. I made a lot of risky plans. I will ride my bike at night. I will start a movie at 3 AM. I will read until my eyes close.I will say nice things to myself.From good to great.A little crazy...I will always be.
-B
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunlight
I stare at the sky
dream of you
my days know you so well
used to be in the shade
now under bright lights
nothing looks the same
started off as words
now there is a story
you make me shy
and sometimes I disappear
my secret hides in my pockets
my hands want to swim in your hair
my curiosity
your mystery
keeps me hanging on
I love silence
it brings you along
it's golden
-B
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Stairs
Making my way up
There is no way I can look down
I hold twenty eight balloons
One more is on its way around
I get to witness my own becoming
every single day
I know aging suits me
I have studied myself in every way
I am trading a number in to collect another
I always have to own it
I can never go undercover
This may get harder to climb
Age can be slightly dangerous
Making my way down the line
I say birthdays are fabulous
-B
Monday, November 17, 2008
Fall in Love
In times I share words that spill
into empty spaces like manicures that fill
the truth I know that stretches
creativity has a mouth that catches
always go the distance to keep passion near
so my cup can be passed and shared
Love the dreams that keep me awake
that come to give not to take
overflow with desire
I stand close to the fire
Crunchy leaves and cold hands
the orange that gives my heart a tan
the season that lets you taste
the outline that I trace
I make it look easy
smiling upon this leads me
rests on top of my shallow skin
draws a map of where Fall has been
-B
Like This Like That
I am so turned on by things that reflect beauty. Beauty is the hardest thing to create. I can go beyond the circumference of my feelings. My heart beats so fast when I listen to music that it gives me goose bumps. They allow you to throw horseshoes. I stare at my hands and wonder where they will take me next. My next song, painting, and poem can point me into a new universe.
I feel so pushed at times but I don't know what to focus on. Playing guitar is my way of communicating. When I was fifteen I asked my Father for a guitar and he bought me one. Unfortunately, it was kidnapped.I miss it all of the time. I would play it in my room for hours like there was an imaginary audience. I get such bad stage fright... still. I always have to do things in my own way.
I hear the things I say everyday. I spend a lot of time alone. I have secrets that I bury in the floor of my apartment. I don't always do well with others.I worry about how other people see me. I can face a crowd when it is the right time. There are times when I can't get past the fear lines that I draw.It makes me walk in circles.
I talk about things that prove that I am available. I don't usually stumble into moments. I try to walk through with balance like I am on a tight rope. I believe I am having a good time.I see new things on the horizon.I can always switch on my happiness.I don't need to pull out the bad mood. I can change my color.I love myself in the ways that I want to be loved. Inspiration lets me borrow the light that makes me glow.
-B
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Pinata
I love writing about my feelings. I like being able to share what my emotional journey looks like. Everyday is an open vessel waiting to be filled. I always have been able to stand close to my fear, disappointment, and anxiety. Writing is the most honest and honorable way of handling those monsters. I know that there have been a lot of people that get confused and take my good nature as good acting. It is not up to me to persuade them out of their resistance towards me. I am really hard on myself and this is an issue that I deal with on a daily basis. I have never claimed to be "normal". The blog has allowed me to be more disciplined with my craft. I am not casual about anything I do. When I am in love with something it is as obvious as the color red. My feelings always feel true when I am able to share them. Some of my poems are autobiographical and some are stories I wrote for situations outside of my own experiences. Hesitation is not something that I allow to hold me back. I am a bit of mess but writing helps to keep me clean. I am always taking collections that I can use for new material. I am blown away by how many ideas I have in my head. One day I am all about something and the next day I can forget what that was. I change my mind a lot but even that might change. My acceptance can be far from approval when I get lost but all of my days are full of lessons. It took me a while to be able to reveal so much. It's like there was a bird inside my chest just wanting to fly. I feel more brave than ever.
-B
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Jude's Birthday Card
Happy Birthday
traces of beauty everywhere
I baked you a cake
you taught me how to share
in the middle is where you sat on the shelf
you managed to take care of me
and sometimes forgot about yourself
the big sister that owns cool
influenced me
walked me to school
the work you did with my name on it
the ideas you gave me and then let me pawn it
this belongs to you
just like the love you give
I look a lot like you too
in my heart is where you live
-B
Never Say Goodnight
you came around again
decided to swing by
seeing you makes me hungry
I want to eat you alive
before I was always planning
my expectations put dents in our frame
but this time feels different
I refuse to play the game
you see me as you want to
it will always be your interpretation
but I am what I am
there is no explanation
maybe I can make you clean
I have done it before
I just want to see if this is an open or shut door
your arms are like ropes
I pull you closer to me
I have to see you up close
to remember our history
stay for a moment
don't let me go again
find the love and then hold it
you can ditch pretend
-B
Cavity
everything is different
but I still feel the same
my heart is not calm
and it was you that delivered the pain
in the beginning it was candy
but at the end it was stone
never got a whole goodbye
you scattered it over the phone
tripping over pieces of you
our songs begin to haunt me
feels like I am standing still when your absence is all I see
you couldn't take care of yourself
you really liked to sleep
while I was busy looking for a shovel
to create you as someone deep
you didn't give me much
pressed hard
held tight
you like to disappear when you closed your eyes at night
you had no gravity to make you feel the ground
when it got really bad my heart made a sound
I couldn't catch you while you were on the run from yourself
you wouldn't slow down
you didn't take my help
turn on the light
I must speak for my heart
I will always lose this game
no matter how many times I start
-B
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Book of Choice
I am currently reading Cultural Amnesia by Clive James. I just picked it up. It is a heavy one.
Lucid
Dear Consequence,
Your glitter was all over my hands this morning. I put myself in my dream boat that is glued to my floor. My memory box was full and no messages were able to travel to my ears with out having to wait in line to get through.My sleep holds me hostage. I cook in the night.
First, I get into bed with a shaking tail and cold toes that curl.Then, I collapse into sleep and wake up in between with a fire that makes me roll around like a marble.I have been confusing my dreams with my reality and when I try to explain they never sound like the way they looked.How can they when I watch with my eyes closed?
The days I feel insane come with so much noise. I grind my teeth like I am sawing through my anxiety. Another day passed with a celebration attatched to it.All of the party favors made my head hurt a little bit.
I look through my mind's eye with a magnifying glass. I am filled with wonder. Crazy nights look like a bowl of cereal that never let you get to the bottom with out leaving a trace.
I cradle the feeling of adoration instead of letting it just sit around. All parts are included. Safety is like trying to capture wind.I can't wish it to be different. The moment is the truth which can never be manipulated. I have to learn when to walk away. I can't get stuck in yesterday's business.
Drinks,secrets, and crazy dreams are painting my day. I get to drink tea and jump into a giant canvas where there is enough to to keep me satisfied. You should come over.Stay until the morning.
Yours Truly,
Today
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
My Rescue
no more fading
no more losing it
need to be creating
need to be using it
my stories are young
there are so many words
under my tongue
to grow they must be heard
loving and hurting
that is why I am here
expectations are burning
inside my fear
people crush me
they're confused by what I do
no talent to see
like grape gum on a shoe
I am running towards my feelings
my frustration sleeps alone
my heart hits the ceiling
my pen hits the bone
my life keeps it original
my feelings get sorted out
words are subliminal
only I know what they're about
-B
Thinking Disease
I think I am thinking too much
that statement just ate itself
I wake up too late to start
I try to rest and take the keys out of the ignition
I have so many ideas
I am really sticky so they never leave
I am thinking about moving
Los Angeles has been conquered
it is like one day I am going to wake up and my picture is hanging on a different wall
the most popular word is change
a new leader
a new way
I should be skipping into today
I can be doing so much more
I like to show off and make sure that I am heard
other times I build a fence around my heart
I don't always know what I am doing
I can have an entire day to myself and feel like it went missing
being in front of a camera makes me akward
if a moment is captured and repeated I can become self conscious
I am so aware of myself that I strangle my own neck
If the situation looks good I look twice
the days I feel attatched to are the ones I write about
I have been hurt and I have hurt others but I am learning from everything that has happened
what does it all mean
to outrun this thought I'll have to go really far
-B
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
GO VOTE!!!!
This is the day we all need to take advantage of. OBAMA is my choice. Damn it Damnit, I lost my camera last night. I want to scream! FUCKKKKKKKKK
Monday, November 3, 2008
Tease
I cannot lie my insides crave an outside touch
when it happens I will take it slow
I will let it fall over me like a drizzle
my thoughts are heavy like fruit
I pick up my guitar so I can give him a song
I will look away to make sure he is looking
-B
Normal Clutter
I will pay twice for exposing my most tender parts
I meet moments and it feels like they were arranged
like there is a method to the ways things blend and separate
and when I don't know where to put things
I breathe
that is the way I fix it
I wake up and design a new world every day
sometimes it is sweet and can be the addictive ingredient
sometimes it is sad and I am swollen all day
I open the window and let yesterday out
sunshine can get annoying like a pretty face that seems fake
I will dress my day in whatever I have to wear
I am accused of being too naive
but I would rather stay new to the old
it keeps me in the middle
cloudy days make me AWAKE
the sunny warmth can make me lazy
I can't show up if it is with a yawn
it all passes
so I will wave
my nature is kind
it gives me a chance to be nice to myself
I gain miles in my head every day
only once in a while do I get tired and want to put myself to bed
I run on adrenaline at work and at play
I have taught myself that if I go fast so will everything else
it is the times that I want to stay that have a car waiting outside
I never know what is going to happen and that is definite
the shaking finger gives in and lets me learn on my own
no editing was involved
-B
Sharing
I think we are all connected
that is why there is music
it moves me in a way where motion doesn't have a part
the song inside my headphones gives me smiles
my heart has legs when I feel like I am inside a moment that can take me home
nostalgia is such a weird word for such a magical theme
I can rearrange anything at any time
in the right instance I can feel something and pull it closer with out asking for permission in any Real way
the night tells me things
all of the information gets stored away like frozen food
I am on the edge of a laugh every time I act surprised about coincidence
I make inventions for others to use
so they can see small miracles we ourselves create
I can carry a truck size thought on my back at any given moment
other times I wonder why my light is on in an empty house
We all have cords that we can plug into any outlet
to every wall there is a ceiling where my highs tend to get stuck
I love when I can hear stillness
it's like seeing secrets
it lets me know the times I had as a child when I was confused by silence meant something
I am just like everyone else
we all have mirrors on the outside to reflect the inside
there is a way of making deals with the day
I pray that we all have a moment in life where we know there is no way of messing it
up
-B
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sadurday
Sad Saturday. Come on and help me out.I keep walking into sad scenes. I need a little heat from the cold. I stand with restless feet. There is something about being uncomfortable that stirs something creatively within me. I shall paint a picture that lets my mind fall asleep and lets my hands feel electricity. My life can never make me shy. I feel like I have a fever. If I feel it I say it. No difference. My hands can catch up to my head. I can lead my way into anything. I am a little crooked. I don't always know when it is bull shit but I always know when it is the truth. It was a loud morning.Nowhere to hide this moment. This is the evidence.
-B
-B
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